The Rocky Horror RENT Show!!
by LeapOFaith4
Summary: Me being bored and mixing my favorite show (RENT) with one of my favorite movies (Rocky Horror). You won't get it unless you're familiar with both...even then you might not get it :-P
1. Default Chapter Title

(author's note: well...I warned you, but you're reading it anyway. This fic could be hazardous to your mental health! Anyway, I'd like to thank: Christina, even though she thinks a RENT/RHPS cross is evil and disturbing; Liz, who read (and laughed at) this during lunch; Ali, who thinks I'm insane -- the feelings are mutual :-P; Stef, and her list of boys; and Emily, for telling me the 'insider's stuff' about the RHS-Live!...now on to...)

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The Rocky Horror RENT Show, Part 1!!

Brad - Mark

Janet - Angel

Magenta - Mimi

Riff Raff - Paul (from Life Support)

Frank - Collins

Columbia - Maureen

Eddie - Joanne

Rocky - Roger

Dr. Scott - Joanne

Narrator - Benny

Ralph, Transylvanian - Steve (from Life Support)

Betty, Transylvanian - Mrs. Cohen

Other random Transylvanians - Gordon, the other Life Support people, the bag lady, Mrs. Marquez, Mrs. Davis, Mr and Mrs. Jefferson, Alexi Darling, anyone else I feel like sticking in here (mwahahaha. . . author powers. . . )

Directed by - Joanne

Usherette (lips): Michael Rennie -- who the hell is Michael Rennie?!?!?

Joanne: MIMI!

Mimi (Usherette (lips)): Anyway, this Michael Rennie guy was ill 

The Day the Earth Stood still 

But he told us where we stand. 

And Flash Gordon was there

In silver underwear-

Angel: I have silver underwear!

Mimi (Usherette (Lips)): (giggles) So do I! 

Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. 

Then something went wrong 

For Fay Wray and King Kong; 

They got caught in a celluloid jam 

Then at a deadly pace It-

Maureen: It? What's It? Who's It??

Roger: Tim Curry is It!

(Everyone giggles except for Joanne, who glares)

Mimi (Usherette (Lips)): Right, It Came From Outer Space. 

And this is how the message ran: 

Science fiction, double feature 

Doctor X will build a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet 

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet 

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh 

At the late night, double feature, picture show. 

I knew Leo G. Carroll -- I did??

Joanne: (grunts)

Mimi (Usherette (Lips)): Uh. . . I knew. . . what was his name again??

Joanne: Leo G. Carroll!

Mimi(Usherette (Lips)): I knew Leo J. Carroll. . . or was it Leo _G. _Carroll. . . aaah whatever

I knew this Leo Carroll guy

Was over a barrel 

When Tarantula took to the hills. 

And I really got hot. . . um riiiight. . . 

When I saw Jeanette Scott 

Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills. . . what the hell is a triffid? 

Dana Andrews said Prunes gave him the runes 

And passing them used lots of skills. 

But When Worlds Collide, (Angel, Collins, and Maureen clap their hands and shout "Boom!!")

Said George Powell to his bride, "I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills," 

Like a... 

Science fiction, double feature 

Doctor X will build a creature. 

See androids fighting Brad and Janet (Mark and Angel smile and wave)

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet 

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh 

At the late night, double feature, picture show. 

I wanna go 

Oh Oh Oh 

To the late night double feature picture show, 

By RKO, 

Oh Oh Oh 

To the late night double feature picture show 

In the back row, Oh Oh Oh To the late night, double feature, picture show! 

Crowd: Here they come! (The crowd chucks rice at Ralph and Betty) 

Photographer(Alexi): Let's get a picture. Close together now. The parents and then the grandparents. Just of the close family. Ahhh, hold that. Beautiful. And... (snap) 

Ralph (Steve): I guess we really did it, huh. . .wait a second. . . did WHAT?? 

Brad (Mark): I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have been almost inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's refresher courses. And don't jump to any conclusions, Mister. That's my MOTHER you just married! 

Ralph: Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that's the only reason I showed up in the first place. (chuckles) 

Brad: RALPH!

Betty (Mrs. Cohen): O.K. you guys, this is it. (throws bouquet)

Janet: I got it! I got it! Yay!! Look everyone! I got the bouquet!! Happy happy happy! Now I can have pretty flowers in my hair! Yay! I got it!! I go-

Joanne: Angel, we get the point. . . 

Angel: Oh, sorry. 

Joanne: Moving on. . . 

Ralph: Hey big fella, -- wait, that sounds WRONG!

Joanne: Just say the damn line, ok?

Ralph: Grrr...fine. Hey big Brad, looks like it could be your turn next, eh? 

Brad: Who knows. 

Ralph: Well, so long, see you Brad. Guess we better get going now, Betty. Come on, hop in. See ya, Brad! 

(car drives away with the words "Ralph's eating out tonight!" written on the back with soap)

Brad: Wait! That's my MOTHER you're talking about!!

Janet: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? Didn't Betty...and Ralph... look radiantly beautiful? I can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old Betty Munroe and now... now she's Mrs. Ralph Hap-shit. 

Joanne: HapSCHATT!!

Angel: Yeah yeah, same thing!

Joanne: Just get to the song, please!

Brad: Hey Janet. 

Janet: Yes Brad? 

Brad: I've got something to say. 

Janet: Uh huh. 

Brad: I really love the... skillful way... you beat the other girls... to the bride's bouquet. 

Janet: Oh Brad. 

Brad: The river was deep but I swam it. 

Mimi, Paul, and Maureen: Janet 

Brad: The future is ours so let's plan it

Maureen: Marky, since when do YOU promote safe sex??  
Mark: (blushes) Shut up Maureen... 

Maureen: (giggles)

Joanne: (clears throat loudly) The song, please?

Mark: Oh, right. Where were we?

Joanne: Planning the future. 

Brad: Oh, ok. I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you. Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker. 

Angel: Ooooh! It's sparkly!!

Brad: There's three ways that love can grow. That's good, bad, or mediocre. Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so. 

Janet: And you can spell my name! I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too. 

Brad & Janet: There's one thing left to do - ah - oo. 

Brad: And that's go see the man who began it. When we met in his science exam - it 

Made me give you the eye and then panic. 

Janet: (giggles)

(moment of silence, then) Brad & Janet: I love you.

Joanne: Ok ok, good enough! Even though you skipped half the song, I guess it'll have to do. Any questions before we move one?

(a zillion beepers go off all at once)

Joanne: AZT Break?

Mimi: No! "Boston Public" break! We all love that show!

Joanne: (rolls eyes)


	2. Part 2!

Author's Note: Part 2 has finally appeared! Mwahahahaha...The RENT characters belong to Jonathan Larson, the Rocky Horror characters belong to Richard O'Brian, "Aida" belongs to Elton John and Tim Rice (and, of course, Disney), the over-zealous RHPS fans belong in a nuthouse (did I just type that? Oops...LOL), "Bat Out of Hell" belongs to Meatloaf, Trey Ellett, Adam Pascal, Manley Pope, and any other cast member I torment belong to themselves (but Cybele thinks Adam belongs to her! J/k j/k!). If you're still readingthis, you're either insane or really really bored. Or both (like me!) Ok -- enough with the author's notes -- back to our story!  
  
  
  
  
Narrator (Benny): Yeah Alison...uh-huh. Look, I'm kinda busy right now. NO! NOT with Mimi! Ok, bye. Sooooo...are we still doing this Rocky Horror shit?  
Joanne: YES! And it's YOUR line!  
Benny: It is? Aw shit!  
Joanne: Come on...  
Narrator (Benny): Ok. Ok, I can do this. I would like, ah, if I may,  
Over-Zealous Rocky Horror fans: NO YOU MAY NOT!  
Benny: Aaaah! Where the hell did THEY come from??  
Joanne: I don't know. But you'll have to deal with them.   
Narrator (Benny): Damn, now where was I? Oh yeah...to take you on a strange journey.  
Fans: How strange was it?  
Narrator: (glares) It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors --  
Fans: ASSHOLE!  
Mark: Hey!  
Narrator: and his fiancée Janet Weiss, --  
Fans: SLUT!  
Angel: You know it!  
Narrator: two young, ordinary, healthy kids,  
Maureen: (snickers)  
Narrator: left Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, ex-tutor, and now friend to both of them. It's true there were dark storm clouds,   
Fans: Describe your balls!  
Narrator: Huh? My next line is "heavy, black, and pendulous" -- wait -- I get it now -- that one was LAME, guys! -- towards which they were driving. It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, but, uh, they being normal kids and, on a night out... well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening, were they?... On a night out... it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time.   
Janet (Angel): Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us. Ooh -- that motorcycle guy is hot! HEY! MISTER MOTORCYCLE GUY! CAN I GET A RIDE? Oh...wait -- I'm supposed to be with Mar--Brad. Damn. Back to the motorcycles - uh -- oh yea! They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all.   
Brad (Mark): Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type. Not like YOU would know, Miss "Let's-ditch-Mark-and-hitch-a-ride-from-a-transsexual-motorcycle-driver"!  
Janet: Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling?   
Brad: Hmmm.. we must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back.   
Janet: Oh, but where did that hot motorcyclist come from?   
Brad: Japan! Or Hell! Take your pick  
Janet: Oooh! Hell! They're Bats out of Hell!  
Brad: Ha ha... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.   
Janet: Oh! What was that bang?   
Brad: We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for help.  
Janet: But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?   
Brad: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I could use.   
Fans: Castles don't HAVE telephones, asshole!  
Janet: I'm going with you.   
Brad: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.   
Fans: Janet's ALREADY wet!  
Janet: I'm coming with you! Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman,   
Fans: He is!  
Janet: and you might never come back again.   
Fans: He won't!  
Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh.   
(silence)  
Joanne: WHERE'S THE MUSIC?? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???  
Random band member: (snores, then grunts) Uh -- wha? Oh yea! That light song!  
(Music starts)  
Janet: In the velvet darkness, Of the blackest night, Burning bright, there's a guiding star. No matter what or who you are.   
Brad & Janet: There's a light...   
Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.   
Brad & Janet: There's a light...   
Chorus: Burning in the fireplace...   
Brad & Janet: There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.   
(music keeps playing, but no one sings)  
Joanne: Paul? Where ARE you??  
Mimi: He had to go preach his Life Support to some freaky-druggie-chicks...not me!  
Joanne: So who the hell is going to be Riff Raff???  
Maureen: How about... Collins?  
Joanne: But he's Frank!  
Maureen: I have a new Frank for you...  
(Maureen whistles, and out pops Trey Ellett, in Frank 'N Furter drag)  
Joanne: (laughs) This COULD work...  
Collins: Hey! Trey -- get back here with my clothes!!   
Trey: No way! (giggles)  
Mark: Eeew! What WERE you two doing back there??  
Trey: Uh -- nothing?  
Collins: Trey stole my clothes!  
Mimi: He stole your part, too. Now you're Riff Raff.   
Collins: Whatever.   
Joanne: Good. You're Riff, Trey is Frank. Now SING, Collins!  
Riff Raff (Collins): Oh, right. The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming Into my life. Into my life...   
Brad & Janet: There's a light...   
Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.   
Brad & Janet: There's a light...   
Chorus: Burning in the fireplace. There's a light, a light   
Brad & Janet: ...in the darkness of everybody's life.   
Narrator (Benny): And so, it seemed that fortune --  
Adam Pascal: Fortune favors the braaaaaave!  
Mimi: Wrong show, hun.   
Adam: Oops. Sorry. I guess I'd better let Manley back into this show, huh?  
Mimi: Yeah. That would be nice.   
Adam: Ok. It's off to have an Egyptian love affair! Bye! (leaves)  
Benny: Where the hell was I? Ah, screw it!  
Janet: Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened...   
Brad: Just a moment Janet, stop being a pain in the ass! They -- they might have a phone.   
Riff Raff (Collins): You rang?  
Joanne: Wrong show AGAIN!! Jesus, you people are making my blood pressure go sky high!  
Maureen: I could help you relieve some of that pressure...(winks)  
Joanne: (giggles) Ok Honeybear!  
Maureen: C'mon Pookie! (Pulls Joanne off into the darkness)  
Mark: Ugh. I guess we have to wait until Joanne comes back to finish this, huh?  
Mimi: I guess -- hey! I want Adam back here!   
Manley Pope: Hey! What's wrong with ME?  
Mimi: Uhhhh...I gotta run... AZT break! You know how it is!  
Manley: Hmmmph -- hey, where'd Trey go?  
Mark: Oh dear Lord...  



	3. Part 3!

Author's note: "RHPS" and all characters and what-not belong to Richard O'Brian, RENT and all it's stuff belong   
to the late great Jonathan Larson, any of my other random references obviously don't belong to me. I'm not trying   
to make a living off of this -- I'm just entirely too bored. Enjoy!  
Joanne: Ok people! Ok! I'm back...  
Maureen: For now...   
Joanne: (glares at Maureen, but winds up smiling) Riiiiight... anyway, we were at the door of Frank's place before our   
good friend ADAM barged in--  
Mimi: No! We were after that! Remember, we had to get rid of Manley! And then we looked for Adam, and we made   
hot passionate love...  
Joanne: We DON'T need to know about that!!!!!  
Mimi: Oh...oops!   
Joanne: Now where is our friendly narrator???  
Mimi: I'll find him - BENNY!!!!!  
Benny: You called???  
Mimi: Yea - we're starting  
Benny: But I don't have a line!  
Mimi: Hey Joanne -- he's right  
Joanne: Who cares? He should be here anyway! We won't be able to find him if he's not!  
Benny: (scoffing) bleck...  
(Joanne assembles people into their places while Benny beckons to Mimi, who runs off giggling)  
Mark/Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss. I wonder if you could help us. You see,   
our car broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use?   
Collins/Riff Raff: You're wet.   
Angel/Janet: (giggles) Yes - it's raining.   
Brad: Yes. (looks confused, then blushes when he finally gets the joke) No! Wait! We didn't! I mean -- not yet -- I   
mean! Aaaah!  
Riff Raff: Riiiiight... I think perhaps you better both come inside.   
Janet: You're too kind...And too sexy...(slaps Collins/Riff on the ass) Hey Mark -- I mean, Brad... I'm... uhhhh...scared.   
What kind of a place is this?   
Brad: Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.  
Psycho Fans: YAY rich weirdos!   
Riff Raff: This way.   
Janet: Are you having a party?   
Riff Raff: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs...a Manley affair, if you get what I   
mean...  
Janet: Oh, lucky him.   
(silence - eyes drift from Riff to the banister to Joanne, and back to the empty banister)  
Joanne: MIIIIIMIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Mimi: (running from backstage, putting her clothes back on) Sorry! Me and Benny were...uhh... having a... business   
meeting...   
Joanne: And I suppose YOU were representing the Cat Scratch Club?  
Mimi: Uh -- YEA! So -- where are we?  
Joanne: The banister part?  
Mimi/Magenta: oooh! I love this part! (makes a large show out of sliding down the banister, twisting herself around   
the banister, humping the banister, basically having entirely too much fun on the banister) You're lucky, he's lucky,   
I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha...   
THE TIME WARP   
Riff Raff: It's astounding; Time is fleeting; Madness takes its toll. But listen closely...   
Magenta: Not for very much longer.   
Riff Raff: I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time-warp Drinking those moments when The blackness   
would hit me   
Riff & Magenta: And a voi-  
Mimi: VOICE!  
Collins: VOID!  
Mimi: It is NOT void! Voice makes so much more sense!  
Collins: (pulls out large black book marked SCRIPT) See! Right here! It's VOID!  
Mimi: But -- but -- voice makes so much sense!  
Collins: It does no -- oh -- wait -- maybe it does. But that isn't the point! We're supposed to stick to the script!  
Mimi: Aug -- damn script!  
Collins: Where were we?  
Mimi: God only knows.   
Maureen: Hey! I don't know my part to this song!  
Mimi: Ok! That's it! We're skipping the rest of the song!   
Joanne: We can't skip this song! This is the show's trademark song! "Rocky Horror" without the Time Warp is like,   
like RENT without Seasons of Love! This is impossible! We can't --  
Maureen: (kisses Joanne)  
Joanne: Ok, whatever! Next song, next scene, next whatever!   
SWEET TRANSVESTITE   
Trey Ellett/Frank: How do you do, I See you've met my Faithful handyman. He's just a little brought down Because   
when you knocked He thought you were the candyman. Don't get strung out by the way I look. Don't judge a book   
by its cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover. I'm just a sweet   
transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania. Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound. You look like you're   
both pretty groovy.   
Mark: (does the Macarena)  
Trey: Or not...Or if you want something visual That's not too abysmal, We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.   
Mark/Brad: (engrossed in his Macarena-ing) um - Can we use your phone? We're kinda stuck and we want to go   
home because you guys are scary.   
Joanne: Eh, you got the jist of it.   
Trey/Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that? Well, babies, don't you panic. By the light of the   
night it'll all seem alright. I'll get you a satanic mechanic. I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania.   
Why don't you stay for the night?   
Riff Raff: Night. Frank: Or maybe a bite?   
Columbia: Yum!.   
Frank: I could show you my favorite obsession. I've been making a man With blond hair and a tan...   
mmmManleymmm... And he's good for relieving my......tension I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual,   
Transylvania. HIT IT, HIT IT! I'm just a sweet transvestite   
Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite   
Frank: From Transsexual,  
Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.   
Frank: So - come up to the lab, And see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici ---  
Fans: SAY IT!!!  
Trey/Frank: (holds the silence out, then gives a devilish grin) ---pation. But maybe the rain Is really to blame. So I'll   
remove the cause.   
Fans: And what about the nasty symptom?  
Trey/Frank:But not the symptom.   
Joanne: Wow Trey! I'm impressed! You, unlike the rest of the cast, know your lines!  
Trey: Thanks! I sing this song in my spare time Hey, where's my manly Manley??? (runs off to find Manley)  
Joanne: Oh God  
Mimi: Benny! Where are you???  
Angel: Collins! Collins! Collins!  
Maureen: Oh JOANNE! C'mere  
(everyone randomly vanishes, except Mark)  
Mark: What is this?!?!? Mass orgy time???? What about meeeeee???? Maureen? Roger? Anyone?? Ugh!! (Gets an   
idea) (shouts offstage) Hey Joanne! I'm gonna go steal one of my girlfriends from someone else's fanfic!!! I'll be   
back!!  



End file.
